Why Women Don’t Give Compliments to Men as Often: What It Means and What You Can Do
In relationships and daily interactions, many men notice that they receive fewer compliments than women do. This can lead to feelings of insecurity or confusion—especially if they believe compliments reflect attraction or emotional closeness. But here’s the truth: women and men often give compliments in very different ways, and understanding these differences can improve communication, confidence, and connection.
If you're in a romantic relationship or looking to improve one, learning why women may not compliment men as often—and what it actually means—can help strengthen your bond and reduce misunderstandings.
Women’s Compliments Are More Subtle
Let’s start with how compliments are typically given. Women often compliment other women with ease. “I love your dress” or “Your hair looks amazing” are common phrases exchanged between female friends. These compliments are warm, affirming, and direct.
But when women compliment men, the compliments tend to be more subtle. Instead of saying, “You look amazing,” a woman might say, “I like your shirt,” or “That color looks nice on you.” While these still count as compliments, they’re often more understated.
In fact, research backs this up. A 1995 study by Holmes found that women compliment other women more often than they compliment men. And when they do compliment men, the language is usually more casual or reserved. For men who are used to more direct praise—or who rarely get compliments at all—these subtle remarks may go unnoticed or feel insufficient.
Compliments Can Be Misinterpreted as Flirting
Another big reason why women might hesitate to compliment men is the fear of being misread. Research from Abbey (1982) showed that men are more likely than women to misinterpret friendliness as sexual interest. For many women, this means a simple compliment—like “You’re looking sharp today”—could be taken as flirtation when that wasn’t the intent.
This creates a barrier. Many women, especially in public or casual settings, may avoid giving compliments to men entirely to avoid confusion, discomfort, or unwanted attention.
Writer Aella notes that women sometimes feel they have to “manage” male reactions. That includes thinking ahead about whether a compliment could send the wrong message. This mental calculation—Will he think I’m flirting? Will it make things awkward?—often leads women to stay silent, even if they want to express something nice.
Men Are Socialized to Expect Compliments About Achievements
Our culture plays a big role in how we give and receive praise. From a young age, girls are often praised for their appearance—how they look, dress, or smile. Boys, on the other hand, are more likely to be praised for what they do—like winning a game, solving a problem, or being tough.
This means that men often associate compliments with achievement. A man might expect to hear “Nice job!” or “You crushed that project!” rather than “You look great today.” So when those achievement-based compliments don’t come, especially in more intimate relationships, some men may feel overlooked.
At the same time, many women don't realize how rare compliments can be for men. If a woman thinks a man already knows he looks good or that she’s proud of him, she may not see the need to say it out loud.
But men often go weeks, months, or even years without hearing a genuine compliment. And that silence can create self-doubt, especially in romantic relationships.
Men Crave Validation—Even If They Don’t Ask for It
The truth is, many men want verbal affirmation more than people realize. But because of social norms, they may not ask for it. They may fear seeming needy or insecure. Or they may not even realize how much they miss it until they get a compliment and feel the emotional impact.
In therapy, we often hear men say things like:
“I don’t remember the last time someone told me I looked good.”
“I just want to feel appreciated.”
“It feels like I’m only noticed when I mess up.”
When women do give compliments, they might underestimate how meaningful it is. A quick “I’m proud of you” or “You did great today” can have a huge emotional impact—sometimes even more than a grand gesture.
The Gender Gap in Compliments Hurts Relationships
This gap in how men and women compliment each other can create tension. Men may feel unappreciated or unattractive. Women may feel like they’re walking a tightrope—wanting to be kind but afraid of being misinterpreted.
In couples therapy here in Cedar Falls, we often explore how each partner gives and receives affection. Words of affirmation, whatever quality of your partner you wish to affirm, carry a lot of weight. These simple words can lead to a huge boost in a person’s sense of self and confidence.
If you’re a man who feels underappreciated, it’s okay to say so. Ask for affirmation. Explain how a kind word makes you feel seen, supported, or loved. You don’t need to wait in silence.
If you’re a woman who feels unsure about giving compliments, try taking small steps. You don’t need to make a dramatic change. Even subtle affirmations—“I really admire how hard you work” or “You’re so good with our kids”—can build emotional connection.
How to Give Better Compliments in a Relationship
Want to bring more appreciation into your relationship? Here are some tips, based on real therapy strategies we use at A Couple of Therapists in Cedar Falls:
1. Be Specific
Generic praise—like “You’re great”—can feel vague. Try to highlight specific actions or traits. For example:
“I loved how you handled that tough conversation today.”
“You always know how to make me laugh when I need it.”
2. Watch for Opportunities
Look for moments when your partner shows effort, kindness, or vulnerability. Those are great times to offer affirming words.
3. Be Specific
Yes, this is on the list twice. Our brains tend to tune out generic feedback, so giving specific feedback about specific actions and how they represent specific qualities you respect is incredibly important.
4. Don’t Hold Back
It might feel awkward at first, but most people warm up quickly to kindness. A compliment can brighten someone’s day more than you realize. Try to give at least 5 compliments for every 1 criticism.
5. Don’t Assume They Know
Even if you think your partner already knows you’re proud or attracted to them—say it anyway. Everyone needs to hear it sometimes.
How to Receive Compliments Without Awkwardness
It’s not just giving compliments that matters—receiving them well is also part of a healthy emotional exchange. If someone compliments you, try to:
Say “thank you” without brushing it off.
Avoid minimizing your accomplishments or appearance.
Let the compliment land. Let it matter.
Receiving praise with grace helps build a culture of appreciation in your relationship and social circles.
What Men Can Do
If you’re a man who feels starved for compliments, here’s what you can do:
1. Say What You Need
Tell your partner, “It really means a lot to me when you say something kind or affirming.” That simple statement can open up better communication.
2. Lead by Example
Give compliments often. Be specific and genuine. When you model appreciation, it’s more likely to be returned.
3. Be Patient
If your partner is shy or unsure, give them space. Let them know that compliments make you feel good, but don’t demand them or make it a test.
4. Recognize Indirect Praise
Not all compliments sound the same. A casual “I love how you think” might mean more than a flashy compliment about your appearance.
In Summary
Women and men experience compliments differently. While women may give fewer or more subtle compliments to men, it doesn’t mean they don’t care or aren’t attracted to you. Often, the differences are rooted in culture, social norms, and self-protection.
By understanding these differences and talking about your needs openly, you can build stronger, more emotionally connected relationships.
At A Couple of Therapists in Cedar Falls, we help couples understand how to express love, appreciation, and emotional support in ways that truly land. If your relationship could use more connection, clarity, or kindness, we’re here to help.
Looking for couples counseling in Cedar Falls?
Visit coupleoftherapists.org to schedule an appointment. We specialize in couples therapy, sex therapy, and trauma therapy that helps you reconnect, grow, and thrive.